Random Writing Samples

Call me old school, but I fondly remember when ingesting the tainted paint leading to lead poisoning was a hard-earned accomplishment. It took some real dedication and focus. When I was young, I'd spend hours on the back porch of my crappy, rundown duplex, chipping away and snacking on itsy bitsy delicacies. Hardcore paint- picking was the only way to achieve that permanent, toxic buzz. I'm sorry to say, but those days are gone.

Today, we're practically giving it away. Lead-lined lunch boxes are making it easier than ever to poison our children. I know what you are thinking. This is outrageous because it teaches nothing in the way of hard work and earned biohazardous experience. We used to make the choice to eat chemicals, but today, that choice is made for our children. How can they learn to be independent thinkers if society and corporate institutions are making all their decisions for them? No-brainer brain damage, that's all it is. Even if I examine the numerous logical uses for lead content in children's lunch boxes, I still can't accept the simplicity of it all. Forget all the hard work; just rub lead up against the PBJ and ta-da...noxious lunch surprise. They don’t have any willing participation in their own demise. Although fertility, organ function, brain synapse, and IQ levels are often overrated, touching lunch box liners should not take the place of proper, good old fashioned neurological breakdown. It’s just not right!

Of course there can be too much of a good thing. Some lunch liners may contain up to 90 times the acceptable toxicity for children. Even an old fashioned lead enthusiast like myself wouldn't be able to chip, collect, ingest, and handle the repercussions of ninety servings of back porch flakes. Still, in these modern times, I have to remind myself: these people know what they are doing. I will admit putting lead directly in contact with the food is ingenious. It probably takes a PhD in Lunch-Box-Engineering to come up with something brilliant enough to eradicate antique methods of elemental inebriation. In an ideal world, I'd want my children to work for their lead poisoning. I'd wish for them to savor the flavor of youth's most yummy treat. But I know, due to environmental contamination laws, hat just won't happen. I am going to have to yield to trendy methods of chemical exposure. Let's hope, for the sake of the experience, the next fad is lead-lined lollipops!

Let’s be real—kids don’t come with instruction manuals. No GPS for getting from Baby to 18. No fine print. No map. Just instincts, best guesses, and the occasional Pinterest board.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about how far we’ve drifted from that well-planned parenting roadmap we started with. Life happens. And somewhere between moving houses, raising three boys, and riding the waves of financial stress and flu seasons, I went from intentional parenting to flat-out survival mode.

One day, my kids called me “butthead.” That was a moment. Not the worst insult in the world, but also not what I’d envisioned when I wrote out my parenting goals back when I had energy and optimism.

Fast forward a few months and things look different. Not perfect—my “mombod” is still holding strong—but I’m seeing my boys (and myself) through a new lens. Why? I wrapped the Parenting on Track™ Home Course, and it was exactly what we needed.

Here’s the truth:

1. I watched every DVD and literally laughed out loud more than once.

2. I slipped up. Life threw me off a couple times. (Missed a family meeting because I forgot to hit the ATM—classic.)

3. I learned things that changed the way I parent. For real.

It took me 14 weeks to get through the 8-week course (thanks, vacation week and suburban drama), but here I am, reflecting. I started with Do Nothing, Say Nothing, and somewhere along the way, I started doing something—the right kind of something.

Am I perfect? Hell no. But I realized the tools I need to raise the kids I want are already in me. Did I fully commit to the values I set at the beginning? Sort of. You don’t change everything overnight. But I did start, and now I get to keep going—refining, learning, adjusting.

And the wildest thing? My kids like the goals. It wasn’t some dramatic “New Sheriff in Town” scenario. It was more like: “Hey, I actually like you guys. Let’s make life smoother around here.” And they were into it.

The course gave us a lasting framework—something to fall back on when life gets, well… muddy. (Note: that’s literal mud in the backyard, but the metaphor still works.)

Bottom line: Parenting on Track is a roadmap, not a miracle. It’s the thing you pull out when you're lost—or when you realize you’re halfway to nowhere with three boys calling you names. The founder, Vicki Hoefle, and her team? They’re the real deal. Supportive, smart, funny. The kind of people you want on your side.

Final note to self: I don’t actually care if my kids call me “butthead.” What matters is how I respond. If I feed that weed, it grows. If I ignore it, it dies. Next… (read the old wordpress blog, here)

Get in, Kids. We're Going for a Ride.

This is the experimental re-entry into suburban exhibitionism. It's really gonna be wild. Ok, it's really not gonna be that wild.

And Exactly What Do You Do All Day?

Husband arrives home at 6:30. Place is trashed. OOPS. I'm a WAHM, duh. I'm here but I'm not really here. I go to "meetings" in other peoples' kitchens, workspaces and living rooms. I spend way too much time on the internet—scouting, working, writing, saving, and snooping. I'm working on my career, honey. Sorry there's no undies in your drawer, but you understand, right?

Yes, it looks like I'm on Facebook all day but part of my job is to push eclectic, multi-personalitied verbiage through the update status of others. Oh, and can you pick up dinner on the way home? I have a Skype call at 7! Paid? I'll get paid... eventually. Love ya honey.

Confessions of a Copywriter

As a copywriter, I have the fantastic, vicarious pleasure of living verbally through other people's dreams & vision. One new client in particular is a delectable, delicious and inspiring local market with cooking classes, dessert demonstrations and wholesome instruction embedded into their culture.

The irony is this: I suck at cooking. I hate preparing meals. I fail miserably at creating something memorable.

But I write really well for them because, as a food loser, I adore, covet, and appreciate what talented bakers and chefs can provide: a sense of hope and fantasy.

Hope beyond hot dogs, mac 'n cheese and more. Fantasy that perhaps I'll too say the words, "bon appétit."

The Laundry List: What I Wanted vs. What I Got

• I wanted a big, beautiful, expensive tattoo.
  What I got—stretch marks.

• I wanted to wear a bikini one summer.
  What I got—three kids, cellulite, and some serious fat.

• I wanted to write books and fun literary works.
  What I got—a bill from GoDaddy for the unmonetized blogs I sporadically throw words at.

• I wanted to be a pro snowboarder.
  What I got—a husband who works at Burton. (Close enough?)

• I wanted to go to India.
  What I got—a copywriting job about living in India, researched entirely via Google.

• I wanted to use my French minor to do something in France.
  What I got—living next to Montreal. Haven’t visited once.

• I wanted to do things right.
  What I got—myself in the wrong place.

2011, Let’s Do This

Yeah, I’m talking to you 2011. It’s go time. It’s time to make life feel like a life. Right now it feels like a cardboard box with a few holes cut out for windows. I squint out daily to see palm trees, laughter, and free-spirited hippies dancing in a circle. (Kidding, the hippies take it too far.)

Maybe Oprah said it: “You can have it all, just not at the same time.” I’m ready for more. But first, I guess, I’d better identify what more is.

So PEACE for 2011. (Peace with yourself included).

On the Treadmill, Going Nowhere

78:22 says I should feel at least one ounce better, but not so much. Oh well. There’s always the next 6 months of disappointing, pointless, legit effort. Don’t mind me, it’s one of those days...

Enjoy this most un-inspirational entry.

May you get somewhere on YOUR treadmill.

PSA: Vacuum + Scarf = Housework Hazard

Flashback to 2007. Picture me in a bad mood, storming around the house vacuuming. Wearing a teal sweater and pink scarf. Leaning over to pick up toys and having my scarf sucked into the vacuum. Not once, not twice—but at least ten times.

I should have taken that thing off. But no, I kept strangling myself. Sometimes I wonder how I get through the day.

Domestic Disorientation: It’s a Real Condition

If you’ve never stayed home with kids, you might not understand Domestic Disorientation. It's when your brain shuts off between thankless tasks. Fold laundry? You end up unloading the dishwasher. Start mopping? Suddenly you’re holding a Mike’s Hard Lemonade and forgetting to pick up the kids.

Episodes of wandering wifery can last days. If you suffer from DD, call a friend or update your Facebook status. Another off-task mom will respond. (For you, KM. Note: I am kidding. Sort of.)

The Fantasy of Food

Dinner is a distasteful joke around here. Yet when I write about pan-seared this or walnut-glazed that, I fall in love with the idea that maybe, just maybe, I could taste it through the description.

Too bad for my kids. If they want to taste my culinary skills, they’ll have to eat the paper.

Inlu Blog

Football Party? Give Back, Everyone Wins

Published: January 31, 2011
Why not turn your Super Bowl party into a feel-good event for a good cause? This post suggests inviting guests to chip in for community donations or football nonprofits like Kids and Pros or the Bayless Foundation—all while enjoying snacks, drinks, and touchdowns. Featured group gift ideas include wine from John Madden’s vineyard and crowd-pleasing Chex Mix.

Winter Dreaming: 11 Idyllic Inlu Group Gifts

Published: January 25, 2011
A dreamy, wanderlust-fueled roundup of group gift getaway ideas for anyone stuck in a deep freeze. From Mexico’s eco-resorts to Big Sur luxury retreats, this list inspires collective giving that leads to unforgettable escapes. It's an ideal post for wedding couples, families, or anyone needing a little sunshine therapy.

Big Lessons from a Little Gift Receipt

Published: January 20, 2011
A relatable, math-savvy breakdown of how much we spend (and waste) on birthday gifts and wrapping paper—often for things kids already have. This post explores the financial and environmental impact of traditional gifting, and how Inlu makes giving more thoughtful, efficient, and charitable.

6 Ways Inlu is Here for You in 2011

Published: January 7, 2011
A New Year’s mission statement for Inlu users, this post outlines six ways the platform helps simplify giving, cut down on excess “stuff,” support local businesses, and turn group gifts into impactful moments. It encourages community stories and spotlights group gifting as a smarter, more sustainable alternative.

This “DIY” project just sort of happened. I was in the thrift store looking for bats, balls and spare baseball gloves for the kids when I walked past the linens row. I grabbed a very 70s—super-pumpkin-not-sure-I-even-liked-it—orange set of sheers. They even smelled like a throwback to mothballs and 30-year-old cigarette smoke. Still, I had an idea. Originally, I grabbed only one pair, but upon pondering, left my son to hold my space in line to run back and grab the other pair—just in case. Besides, it was the Memorial Day sale at the ARC so they were half off. And $6 later, I went home with a vision.

To be fair, I had just had a BIG dose of inspiration: MEXICO. I’d attended a wedding and the “alter” was decorated with orange and white sheers. I hadn’t consciously connected what I was about to do with my trip to the ocean but now, it’s very clear. And voila—this is what happened.

We have a great deck/porch and we’re lucky to live in the suburbs without rear neighbors. Our house faces West and we enjoy nearly every summer evening facing the Colorado foothills. We are literally the last row in a SEA of suburban homes. Anyway, the sun cooks the deck right about BBQ time so we had bamboo shades years ago and we were thinking of doing that again. That was until I picked up these sheers and decided, hey, for $6, let’s make this an outdoor living room. I’d looked at outdoor furniture but I wasn’t ready to purchase it right now—the deck is partially covered so I opted to use existing furniture to create the space.

Here’s how you can dress up any space before any get together or BBQ. Since doing this, people have been commenting, coming to visit and it’s changed the entire vibe. I say, go for it! Enlist the kids, stay cheap and get creative :)

Note: I used an indoor tablecloth, lanterns from the storage room and other existing decorations to pop the colors etc. Have fun!

The Affair  Taboo? Perhaps.  

Satisfying? Definitely.  

BonAffair Effervescent Wine: where vice and virtue rendez-vous.  

Each bottle sparks a stealthy affair between 6% alcoholic content and a proprietary hydrating  antioxidant blend featuring electrolytes and other anti-aging properties. Designer packaging, all natural flavors and low-calorie ingredients elicit a tempting, yet guilt-free elixir experience. Whether itʼs a twilight foray or midday mingle, nobody knows your deviant ways.  

Dare to have an Affair. 

Jayla Took her spritzers to Shark Tank!

NATASZA ZUREK

HOMETOWN: Vancouver, British Columbia
HOME MOUNTAIN: Whistler Blackcomb
NNTHRATE: 34.60

Bio:
Natasza Zurek’s first and foremost, a passionate rider. Everything else is secondary. That simple philosophy drives her career. From contests to filming, her concentrated personality matches her intensity on the hill. For a decade, Natasza has been at the forefront of freestyle snowboarding. Her video parts in Burton’s “It’s Always Showing Somewhere,” Runway’s “See What I See,” as well as the latest from HEART Films, showcase her ability to stomp...

Folks, it’s been a year of grinding. After years and years of grinding. But things are

changing. This message is on behalf of ALL the players in Vince Converse & Big

Brother and the team in tow.

ABOUT THIS EVENT:

Vince is almost 3 years sober. He is turning 50. We - the team, the effort- are

packing Denver bars. The band is RIDICULOUS. Jaws are dropping...

WE need you. This is our first jump into ticketed gigs. Everyone keeps saying,

OMG- what a show! BUT, in the next conversation, we hear: people won’t pay to

hear the blues.

We disagree. We see you out there, dancing, jamming, having a great time- so we

believe in the blues- and all the funk and fun and WOW- that comes with it.

We need you to show up. So much so, that this show is in jeopardy. We KNOW

it’s early, but IF you think you will be attending this show, we need proof of interest

in the NEXT 30 days. It is what it is. Proof of interest means WE sell tickets OR

WE DON’T PLAY. We want to play. We love to play. Ticket pressure is stressful

and is not great for morale. But this is a numbers game.

Early ticket sales will ensure this event takes place! If you have ever enjoyed our

show, if you know any of us personally and see the hours we put it, or you’ve liked

our online videos—> please buy a ticket (or several!), ASAP. Again- this is Vince’s

50th birthday. We have special guests, a horn section, and we are filming a live

video. PLEASE make this happen.

We ALL hate to pressure our people, but if we can’t rally support for this show, it

will be a bummer. Ego aside. We are out here busting to stay afloat, shopping an

album, and rehearsing/playing all the time. We want to put on THE best blues

show you will find this summer. PLEASE CLICK TO BUY. It’s $23 bucks. TWO

(coffee + egg bites) trips to Starbucks. Less than a night of parking downtown.

Especially if you don’t get your car towed.

SUPPORT YOUR PEOPLE. And BIG THANKS to those of you who already

invested in local music.

Blues MusicDenver Music ScenePelican BayTicket Sales